Conflict Resolution

In the first part of the year, people make resolutions to do something, to make a change, or make their lives easier.  Dieting and smoking are popular ones that are not always followed up during the rest of the year.  How about getting along with others and avoiding conflicts? This is one of the teachings in the Bible.

“Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.” Romans 14:19  New KJV

The fact there is simply too much conflict in the world today. While it can be argued ground has historically been gained by violence to benefit society, I suggest four basic principles of conflict resolution.  When there is a disagreement, much energy is spent on finger pointing, blaming others for our own problems, and not accepting responsibility of our own actions, whether they are planned or unplanned.

Conflict resolution is a skill that can be easily learned, but requires practice while being implemented.  It involves negotiation, which is a process of interactive communication designed to reach an agreement best for both parties.

First, each person must know exactly what the problem is in order to solve it. Everyone in a group must understand what the problems are in order to work towards a solution.  Opening up communication through honest questions and answers can result in greatly reduced feelings of discomfort and can help working relationships.

Secondly, each person or point of view gets uninterrupted time to talk, to explain, to identify.  It helps to talk to the person who interrupts or ask a mediator to assist. Allow a speaker of a group to fully explain his or her stance and thoughts. Use genuine Listen Skills because this happens when a listener responds to the speaker in ways which indicate that the listener cares what is being stated. The person is fully focused on the other person’s words and feelings with the specific intent to understand his or her point. Steven Covey has this concept stated in his book, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, as “Seek first to understand before being understood.”

Third, each person or group involved should paraphrase or summarize what the other person or group said.  This exercise tells the other person or group is you are on the same page.  When persons in conflict see that the other party understands his or her stance, it effectively stops anger from escalating and helps us remember what is being said.

Fourth, agree to a resolution, commit to change and be held accountable.  With the newfound understanding of a problem or concern, each person or group should commit to making changes, to specifically alter the conflict behaviors and be fair.  Select a solution that is best for both people or groups and hold yourself and those who you represent accountable for those changes.  This is the difficult part, because people ordinarily don’t like changes.  Routines are easy.

Remember that attitudes affect our behaviors and impact relationships. An attitude is nothing more than a way of acting, feeling or thinking that portrays our underlying values and perceptions. To minimize conflict, we need to adjust our attitudes when working on solutions to problems, big or small.

Peace be  you with always,

Rev. Paul Abernathy

Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.

Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.