Your love can’t be bought or sold,
It’s merely mine to have and hold.
This was a “one liner” spouted by Patty one day… Elias Tobias.
To read this poem in French, click here.
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I always find something to do as a youth minister; however, my primary role is a minister. As such, I perform a few weddings in June that other ministers in the church don’t have time to do. I see this as a treat, since I believe in marriage on several levels. Before a couple gets married, there are counseling sessions on a variety of topics I conduct so there is an understanding of what is really happening. Some of these people are those I first met as children and I have seen them mature in age and faith, so this is even a more special joy to join these couples in marriage.
Around this nation, marriage is still a great thing. Annually 2.2 million marriages are performed in the United States and that breaks down to more than 6,000 a day. (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/). A person can see why I get extra busy this time of year.
According to the CDC, 25.8 and 27.4 are the estimated U.S. median ages at first marriage for women and men, respectively, in 2004. The age for women rose 4.7 years in the last three decades. The age for men at first marriage is up 4.3 years. (http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/ms2.pdf) This age varies by region. Men and women in northeastern states generally have a higher median age at first marriage than the national average. In Massachusetts, for example, women were a median of 27.4 years old and men 29.1 years of age at first marriage. States where people typically marry young include Utah, where women were a median of 21.9 years and men, 23.9 years (http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/fertility/005807.html).
Since a wedding is a unique event in a person’s life, it is big business from clothes to food, flowers to photography, and a wedding can cost from $10,000 to $50,000 or more. Once the wedding is over, the journey starts. Marriage is more than just two people of the opposite-sex living together, which was or 4.2 percent of all households in 2004 (http://www.census.gov/population/www/socdemo/hh-fam/cps2004.html). There is a legal contract involved, along with a religious contract for life.
I have been married for more than 10 years, and we make it work. It is the right way to raise a family. People and circumstances change throughout a marriage, but the union needs to stay strong for several reasons. Changes in births, jobs, locations, deaths, finances are events which alter a marriage, but Jesus says in Matthew 19:5-6, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Through this union, children enter our lives, and children are precious in Jesus’ eyes.
Despite divorce laws and reasons why people can’t get along, I believe marriage is a legitimate legal institution in the eyes of today’s society and the eyes of the Lord, and it will continue because it is woven into the fabric of who we are as a group of people.
Peace be you with always,
Rev. Paul Abernathy
“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2
Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.
Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.
Photo Gallery
Eye of the Tiger
Through the magic of technology and computers, the World of Words by Elias Tobias presents a portfolio of ArtBrushed images that originated as digital photographs by Mike Hall. You save the entire image to your computer free, and use the ArtBrushed photo for wallpaper or the screensaver. You can print it and frame it, too. Just click on the image on this post and and choose the “Save photo as” option when you right click again. Select which folder the file will go, then you name that file. Approve the change and you’re set.
Have you read a good book lately? Find plenty of free books online at Mike’s Books Cafe.
I took Brother Benedict’s poems and made it into a song with added material… Elias Tobias.
Run for the Border-Song version
(Intro-Western theme with trumpet solo and acoustic guitar backup)I have to run for the border,
And can’t stick around for another day.
Some believe there has been a crime
And that I am the one who should pay.
But I will profess my innocence, if
I could have an opportunity to say.
But for now I have to run for the border.
I really don’t want to be away from you,
But leaving is the only thing I can do.
It wouldn’t matter if I would stay,
because they wouldn’t listen anyway.
If I stayed, I’d have only one hope,
And I don’t want to swing from a rope.
That wouldn’t do you or me any good,
So I’m doing what I should.
I have to run for the border.
I have to run for the border,
And I left her bedroom early today.
If I lingered in the morning, she
Would try to convince me to stay.
I have a swift horse, and guns and
Bullets to protect me along the way.
But for now I have to run for the border.
I really don’t want to be away from you,
But leaving is the only thing I can do.
It wouldn’t matter if I would stay,
because they wouldn’t listen anyway.
If I stayed, I’d have only one hope,
And I don’t want to swing from a rope.
That wouldn’t do you or me any good,
So I’m doing what I should.
I have to run for the border.
I have to run for the border,
And the river is my freedom this day.
I will miss her and my family, and
Perhaps I’ll return a free man someday.
Life considered an outlaw is tough,
And it will end with some peace, I pray.
But for now I have to run for the border.
I really don’t want to be away from you,
But leaving is the only thing I can do.
It wouldn’t matter if I would stay,
because they wouldn’t listen anyway.
If I stayed, I’d have only one hope,
And I don’t want to swing from a rope.
That wouldn’t do you or me any good,
So I’m doing what I should.
I have to run for the border.
(Western-themed bridge)
I have to run for the border,
And the river is my freedom this day.
Some believe there has been a crime
And that I am the one who should pay.
I have a swift horse, and guns and
Bullets to protect me along the way.
But for now I have to run for the border.
I really don’t want to be away from you,
But leaving is the only thing I can do.
It wouldn’t matter if I would stay,
because they wouldn’t listen anyway.
If I stayed, I’d have only one hope,
And I don’t want to swing from a rope.
That wouldn’t do you or me any good,
So I’m doing what I should.
I have to run for the border.
I first saw her when she was
Getting food for a cat.
The older woman in the grocery
Store was wearing a big red hat.
She was not very thin, but
She was not either very fat,
And her cart is filled half-way
With boxes, cans, this and that.
She looked like she was in a
Hurry and didn’t want to chat.
Her eyes were covered by the
Brim of the 1940’s style hat.
She passed me several times,
And I tried to not stare at her.
I really saw this lady while I was shopping on a Sunday at an Indianapolis grocery store… Elias Tobias.
Elias Tobias has a fan club web site, and you can get information by clicking here.
Para ver la versión original en inglés, haga click aquí.
Regado por los sueños
No necesito diluida sueños abajo,
Aunque he tenido suficiente de la lluvia.
Hay más que puedo hacerlo parecer,
A pesar de que mi pasado tiene algunas manchas.
No creo que mi vida está completa,
Y sin ti, que sigue siendo el mismo.
No necesito diluida sueños abajo.
Estoy seguro de dónde quiero ir.
Hay más que puedo hacerlo parecer,
Pero hay algo más que necesito saber.
Los cambios tienen que ocurrir en mi vida,
Y siento la tentación del camino abierto.
No necesito diluida sueños abajo.
Tenerte cerca es parte del plan.
Hay más que puedo hacerlo parecer,
Y yo necesito el apoyo de un ventilador
No creo que mi vida está completa,
Y tengo que hacer mi soporte.
Elias Tobias has a fan club web site, and you can get information by clicking here.
I don’t need watered-down dreams,
Even though I’ve had enough of rain.
There’s more I can do it seems,
Even though my past has some stains.
I don’t think my life is complete,
And without you, it stays the same.
I don’t need watered-down dreams.
I’m sure of where I want to go.
There’s more I can do it seems,
But there’s more I need to know.
Changes have to happen in my life,
And I feel the lure of the open road.
I don’t need watered-down dreams.
Having you near is part of the plan.
There’s more I can do it seems,
And I do need the support of a fan
I don’t think my life is complete,
And I have to make my stand.
To read this poem in Spanish, click here.
Who is Elias Tobias? Go to his biography that is also in Spanish.
I think I think
I think too much.
I think about
what I see, and
sometimes I think
I see too much.
I think about what
I feel is right and wrong.
I think about what is
small or tall.
And sometimes I
don’t think of
anything at all.
To read this poem in French, click here.
Photos by Mike Hall converted into brushed paintings are in the ArtBrushed Photo Gallery. Download art for free.
Je pense
Je pense que je pense
Je pense trop.
Je pense à
ce que je vois, et
parfois je pense
Je vois pas trop.
Je pense à ce
Je me sens bien et du mal.
Je pense que sur ce qui est
petit ou grand.
Et parfois, je
ne pense pas que des
rien du tout.
Pour lire ce poème en anglais, cliquez ici.
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Cyber bullying is a different brand of the old school-age power struggle which was once limited to the playgrounds. With the increased use of “social networking” via the electronic media, the playground has expanded to not only the neighborhood, but the whole world. The impact of this negative communication has become severe in some cases to the point that teenagers are aggressively assaulting people they do not know or others are committing suicide.
I am fortunate that none of my own children have been affected by cyber bullying, since I talk openly about the subject with them and we try to keep the lines of communication open. Also none of the several members of the youth groups I manage have been severely affected to the point of physical assault or suicide. This is partially due to an acute awareness of this problem through my ministry; however, it could happen to any of these children.
The Power of Words
As a professional and a writer, I realize the influence and the power of words, especially through various electronic formats through Twitter, blogs, e-mail, chatrooms, instant messaging and texting. This technology does have several positive benefits, but like any technology, it can be abused if not checked. The youth of America is my focus, and this is the group that must be monitored.
While I believe there is no room for censorship for documents on the Internet in all its facets, writers who use its technologies have to take responsibility for the results of what is posted for all to read once the send button is pressed. Then words have a life of their own. There is no such thing as privacy. In fact, the Library of Congress announced in April that it was recording all the Twitter messages sent from the programs start to today for posterity a portrait of modern life, 140 words at time.
So all the negative comments people have said and will say about each other will be frozen in time. This idea is forgotten in the harmful anger and outrage of seemingly otherwise petty disagreements which are traumatic for today’s youth, and disgusting remarks are posted for all to see due to various emotions.
John Halligan, the father of 13-year-old Ryan Halligan, does not blame computers for the problem of cyber bullying. He feels the computer “exacerbated” a very unhealthy situation.
In a letter on i-SAFE America, Inc., John wrote, “The computer in his room provided an environment that reinforced his bad feelings. He continued to get harassed, and tried to harass back online throughout the summer, which only made things worse when he had to face the same kids at the start of the new school year. Instead of turning to an adult, the computer made it easy for home to turn to another peer who ended up being more harmful to Ryan’s state of mind. Behind closed doors, Ryan was able to more easily explore the option of suicide and find a website that showed him how to do it.”
By the Numbers
According to iSAFE America, based in Carlsbad, California, cyber bullying is verbal harassment that occurs during online activities. Forms of cyber bullying include a threatening e-mail, a nasty instant message session, repeated notes or messages sent via text to a cell phone, a web site set up to other sites, “borrowing” someone’s screen name and pretending to be them while posting vicious message, or forwarding supposedly private messages, pictures or video to others. Really, there is no such thing as privacy with electronic media.
Numbers from a national survey by i-iSAFE were surprising. Out of 1500 students from 4th to 8th grade, and 42 percent of the kids indicated they have been bullied while on line and that 53 percent of them admitted to having said something mean or hurtful to another on line.
Nearly two-thirds of those surveys, or 58 percent, admit someone has said mean or hurtful thing to them on line. As a result of this increased cyber bullying, at least three cases of teenage suicides have been reported in the last two years with some youths being charged, and at least one case where a teenager was a victim of an aggressive assault . The attacker, a male, maybe charged as a adult.
Monitoring cyber bullying remains a problem for parents school officials, law enforcement and youth ministers. The i-SAFE survey indicated that 58 percent of the kids polled have not told their parents or an adult that something mean or hurtful had happened to them online. Without this knowledge, the situation may escalate to a serious level threatening a person’s life. An adult may not be aware of the problem, until it is too late, as in Ryan Halligan’s case.
Fixing the problem
So how can this problem of cyber bullying be prevent or reduced?
Children being affected need to tell a trusted adult and keep telling them until they take action. Children should never open, read or respond to message from cyber bullies. School–related matters should follow policies on bullies. Do not erase the messages since they may be needed to take action.
If the harmful action is through a chat or IM, the bully can often be blocked. If a child is threatened with harm, call the police. Students and children are the cure for the problem, so messages should not be sent when children are angry or upset. Don’t exchange pictures or give out e-mail addresses to people children meet on the Internet. Ask permission from parents when it is necessary to give out such information. Most of all children should not give out private information such as passwords, PINs, their name, address, phone number, school name or family and friends’ names.
For more information, go to http://www.isafe.org/imgs/pdf/education/CyberBullying.pdf , the Cyber Bullying Research Center website at http://www.cyberbullying.us/ or Stop Cyber Bullying Now we site at http://www.stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov/adults/cyber-bullying.aspx.
Peace be you with always,
Rev. Paul Abernathy
“Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.” -2 Peter 1:2
Contact Paul Abernathy at paulabernathy@gmail.com.
Want to know more about the members of Lambda Sigma Chi? Click here to meet the members of the unofficial fraternity.
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